Before you run off screaming because I said “anal play,” why not hear me out? Note: Since most of our blog readers are vulva owners, we’re going to talk about it from a that point of view. Some things, like safety, will apply to everyone, no matter what parts are between your legs.
Why try backdoor play?
Anal play is anything sexual stimulation of the anus or anal area. The stimulation maybe involve fingers, toys, tongues, and penises. Back in my days as a sex toy consultant, anal play was the no-go zone for most of my clients. It’s totally understandable. Our society has many taboos when it comes to butts and sex. Many women are taught that good girls don’t do that or it’s dirty. Why should you give it a try?
Basically, anal play feels good. If you do it right, anal stimulation feels very, very good. The anal area has many, very sensitive nerve endings. With the right touch, you’ll wonder why it took you so long to try it. Who doesn’t want to feel good?
Important note about consent: Never try anal sex because you feel obligated to. You should only try if you genuinely want to. This applies to any sexual activity.
Tips for more pleasurable anal play
Whether you’re in a monogamous relationship or enjoy multiple partners, practicing safe sex should be a priority. This is doubly so for anal play. Important things to remember:
- Use a lubricant. Unlike the vagina, your anal canal does not self-lubricate. Have plenty of lube on hand (get it?). Dryness can lead to tears, which can make you more vulnerable to bacteria and sexually transmitted infections (STIs). I recommend a long lasting water based lubricant or a silicone lubricant (which is not compatible with silicone toys). Check out our guide to lubes for more.
- Use condoms or gloves. Even if you are in a monogamous relationship, condoms can protect against STIs and bacteria. Latex gloves (or similar) will protect the sensitive anal canal from sharp nails–ouch! Condoms and gloves can almost make post-play clean up easier. Condoms are highly recommended for any toys that may be shared between partners.
- Keep anal and vaginal play separate. Meaning that once you’ve used a toy, finger, penis, etc for anal play, do not place it in the vagina. There’s a huge risk of infection if you go from anal to vaginal (but not the other way around). If you want to go back, use a barrier such as a condom or glove and then change to a fresh one.
- Never ever use anal desensitizers. NEVER. There’s plenty of anal numbing or desensitizing creams on the market that is supposed to make penetration less painful. Pain is your body’s way of saying STOP. If you remove that option, you risk tearing or hurting yourself.
- Relax and breathe deeply. When you’re nervous or scared about anal play, it makes those muscles tighten. Which makes it harder to insert a finger or toy–the opposite of what you want. If you’re really nervous, try stimulating your clitoris at the same time to help you relax.
- Start small. Don’t laugh. While our sphincters can stretch, you need to work up to it. Start with fingers or a small toy. Once your body is used to the size you can insert another finger or swap a slightly larger toy.
- Always use toys with a flared base. You’ve heard those horror stories of people “losing” toys in their anal cavity. It’s because they didn’t use a toy with a flared base. Trust me on this one.
Anal play is supposed to be fun. I hope I haven’t scared off because anal pleasure can be profoundly intense, especially when paired with clitoral or vaginal stimulation.
Backdoor toys for beginners
Now that I’ve convinced you to give anal play a try (or scared you), here’s some toys that are good for beginners. And yes, those are the actual product names. Make sure you add lube to your shopping cart!
Luxe Candy Rimmer: This non-vibrating silicone plug is soft and easy for beginners. The ring makes it easy to handle when coated in lube. Tug on the loop during play and just as you’re about to orgasm to intensify the pleasure. The ring is also large enough to insert a small bullet and turn it into a vibrating plug.
Metal plugs like this rhinestone Rainbow Prism Heart Plug are lightweight and comfortable. These are fun to wear at your desk during your next video conference call!
Ready for more sensation? This We-Vibe Ditto will happy buzz away. The flared base is flat making it more comfortable for long-term wear. Use the remote control or your bluetooth enabled app to control it from your phone.
Need more power? Luxe Flexii Beads from NuSensuelle has a powerful motor and the beads were designed with comfort in mind. NOTE: We recommend adding a c-ring to create a larger flared base for safety.
For adventurous users, check out glass anal plugs. They’re as beautiful as they are pleasurable.
Have any other questions about anal play? Leave a comment below.