Rubbing It Out to an Audience of One

Steamy excerpt from Ironic by Harper Millre

Has your TBR pile exploded this month? I hope there’s room for one more. Harper Miller’s modern take on “watch me masturbate” is flirty, sexy, and definitely not safe for work!

Read on to learn about her novel Ironic and how it can help you knock out several #RubOneOutBingo squares including “read a romance with a mutual masturbation scene.”

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Steamy excerpt from Ironic by Harper Millre

About Harper Miller

Harper Miller is a native New Yorker. She’s traveled the world and lived in a variety of places but always finds her way back to the Big Apple. A lackluster love life leaves time to explore new interests; for Harper it is writing. The Sweetest Taboo: An Unconventional Romance is her debut novel. In her mind, the perfect Alpha male possesses intellect, humor, and a kinky streak that rivals the size of California.

When she isn’t writing, Harper utilizes her graduate degree in the field of medical research. She enjoys fitness-related activities, drinking copious amounts of wine, and going on bad dates.

Visit Harper’s site. Follow her on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and Goodreads.

Rubbing It Out to an Audience of One

When I penned Ironic, I wanted the heroine to be a self-assured black woman who’s extremely comfortable putting her ho tendencies on display without an ounce of regret. The tough part was getting a complete story told in roughly fifty or so pages. If you ever want to challenge yourself as a writer, try writing a short story. It will test you in ways you can’t imagine.

It was also imperative I include a masturbation scene for no reason other than I wanted one. At the time, I hadn’t read any romance novels where masturbation happened on the page, so my mindset became an old Toni Morrison quote: “If there’s a book that you want to read, but it hasn’t been written yet, then you must write it.” I wanted to incorporate all of these tidbits into the story while ensuring I kept the reader engaged. Humor was the best way to establish my goal, and let me tell you, Mimi was so much fun to write!   

Michelle “Mimi” Montgomery is a successful lawyer coming off a huge win after a long, drawn-out trial. Instead of celebrating (as most of her colleagues would after adding a checkmark to the win column) Mimi has other things on her mind. She wants to blow off some steam, but what’s a gal to do in the wee hours of the morning when she’s horny and alone?

Turn to the internet for some fun, of course, and well, Aden gives her a run for her money.

About Ironic

Ironic by Harper Miller

Before we dive into Harper’s excerpt from Ironic, here’s more about the story:

I’ve got a funny story for you. A funny story I need to get off my chest. I can’t share it with any of my friends, so I’m sharing it on a kinky message board full of strangers. Well, it is the Internet. . . .

Although the Internet provides a sense of anonymity, names have been changed to protect the innocent (and not so innocent). Job-related details have been distorted to protect my identity, but despite the ambiguous details, this is a true story. A story very worthy of the acronym FML.

*Disclaimer* This is a short erotic comedy. Not a novelette, novella, or novel, but a short story. Content is intended for a mature audience, 18+.

Ironic is the first installment in The Kinky Connect Chronicles. The Kinky Connect Chronicles are short erotic stories all wrapped up in a neat little bow. No cliffhangers in the lot! 

Sexy Excerpt from Ironic

“Hmm?” His eyes seem to land on my breasts.

“Will you jerk off for me on camera?” I ask, batting my lashes at him.

“Well, shit. You’re greedy and aggressive. You’re going to be fun, Mimi, I can tell,” he says with a wide grin.

“Is that a no?” I ask, pouting.

“It’s a maybe. Will you touch yourself for me first?”

I slide my MacBook off my lap and place it on the bed, making sure it’s angled just the right way so Aden can see what he wants to see. I slip off my robe completely, so there’s nothing hindering Aden’s view.

“How do you want me to touch myself, Aden?”

“Are you shaved? Trimmed, Brazilian, hairy?”

“Brazilian,” I respond, “but you’ll see soon enough.”

He answers with a caveman grunt. I’m not sure if I gave a good or bad answer, but I honestly don’t give a rat’s ass either way; I don’t like my vajayjay unkempt, and most importantly, I am not into body hair at all. There are only two places on my body where hair should sprout: my eyebrows and my head.  

“Lick your middle finger for me, Mimi.”

“Which hand?”

“Your right hand.”

Aden drags his left hand across his chest and then it slips out of view.

I move my finger in and out of my mouth at an excruciatingly slow pace. My eyes train on where Aden’s hand has disappeared. At this point, I’m mad because I can’t see what he’s doing.

I’m ready to feast my eyes on 8.5 inches of cut man meat and pray to the dick gods that he’s thick. If he’s long and thick, jack-motherfucking-pot!

“Is your finger wet, Mimi?”

“Mmm hmm.” That smooth, deep, and melodic voice of his is making more than my finger wet. He could croon the alphabet to me and I’m pretty damn sure I’d become equally aroused.

“Are you wet, Mimi?” The way he continues to say my name is driving me crazy. It’s like he purposely tortures me by elongating the syllables.

“Mmm hmm,” I drawl. What I really want to say is, “and because of you, Barry White Jr., my dry cleaner is going to have a bitch of a time trying to get the stain out of my robe.” But, I’m fairly certain Aden knows the effect he’s having on me and is enjoying taunting me.

“Slip your middle finger inside your pussy, Mimi.”

I do as he instructs. Good golly, Miss Molly, I’m so damn horny.

“Good girl. Now slide your finger in and out of your pussy.”

I follow his command and proceed to finger-fuck myself. Well, one finger simply won’t do, so I add another. I need girth in my life. It’s all about the girth.

He looks at me sternly and shifts in his seat. “Now, now. You’re being disobedient. Don’t give me cause to punish you our very first meeting.” Aden groans out the words as the muscles in his arm tense.

My heartbeat speeds up. I’m about to get myself off, and I’m making him mad in the process. The intense and controlled look he gave me earlier is back. He said he needed to be in control. Instinctively, I want to take him to the edge. I like making Aden mad. I like pushing buttons. I’m such a brat.

I spread my legs wider so Aden can get a good view of me finger-fucking myself.

Aden pushes his chair back and pulls the waistband of his briefs down. Finally, I’m face-to-face with the glorious cock I’ve been wishing for. And shit, shit, shit, shit he’s thick, and he has length. Jack-motherfucking-pot!

My gaze travels up to his flexing abdominals as he continues to pump his cock mightily.

He manages to pant out a few words. “You gonna let me fuck your mouth?”

“Mmm hmm,” I murmur as I speed up my pace. My fingers are completely saturated with my need. I remove my fingers from my pussy and place one in my mouth.

Aden grunts. “Shit, Mimi. Shit.”

“You like?” I ask in a husky tone.

“You’re making it very difficult to wait until tonight.”

I plunge two fingers deep inside my pussy and make sure my pace is hard and fast. I use my left hand to rub my clit. I’m getting off, and I’m getting off now, damn it.

“Fuck, you don’t listen, Mimi. You’re going to be taught a lesson.”

“Uh, uh . . . fuck. Ungh,” and some other undecipherable shit is all I’m able to get out before I come like the Hoover Dam has sprung a leak. Well, that didn’t take long at all.

I’m drained and fall back against the headboard with sticky fingers.

Aden is stroking himself at a rapid pace while eyeing me with a mixture of passion and anger in his gaze. “Fuck, Mimi. Shit, shit” escapes his lips as he ejaculates a hot load of cum all over his hand. Boy, is it a lot. Seems like Aden is a big producer . . . or he hasn’t come in a while. I smile thinking of both. It’s pretty thick. I like.

He leans back in his chair, laughing. “Please tell me you swallow, Mimi. No sense in this going to waste.”

I laugh. He’s amusing. Amusing and sexy. A lock of his disheveled hair falls over his forehead. I desperately want to reach through the monitor and push it away so I can get a good look at his face. He reminds me why I love slightly older men. Aden’s youthful face and body don’t fool me. His appearance doesn’t make me doubt for a second that he’s a grown ass man and, despite being covered in jizz, possesses a suave sexiness. He’s fascinating and unlike anything I’ve ever experienced.

BB: Who needs some air after that?! Grab your copy of Ironic by Harper Miller and rub one out! Bonus: it’s currently 99 pennies on Amazon.

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