Beginner Basics for Anal Play

Underwear cookies

Before you run off screaming because I said “anal play,” why not hear me out?

Note: Since most of our blog readers are women, we’re going to talk about it from a woman’s point of view. Some things, like safety, will apply to everyone, no matter what parts are between your legs.

Why try backdoor play?

Anal play is anything sexual stimulation of the anus or anal area. The stimulation maybe involve fingers, toys, tongues, and penises. Back in my days as a sex toy consultant, anal play was the no-go zone for most of my clients. It’s totally understable. Our society has many taboos when it comes to butts and sex. Many women are taught that good girls don’t do that or it’s dirty.

Why should you give it a try? Basically, anal play feels good. If you do it right, anal stimulation feels very, very good. The anal area has many, very sensitive nerve endings. With the right touch, you’ll wonder why it took you so long to try it.

Who doesn’t want to feel good?

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Important note about consent: Never try anal sex because you feel obligated to. You should only try if you genuinely want to. This applies to any sexual activity.

Tips for more pleasurable anal play

Whether you’re in a monogamous relationship or enjoy multiple partners, practicing safe sex should be a priority. This is doubly so for anal play. Important things to remember:

  • Use a lubricant. Unlike the vagina, your anal canal does not self-lubricate. Have plenty of lube on hand (get it?). Dryness can lead to tears, which can make you more vulnerable to bacteria and sexually transmitted infections (STIs). I recommend a long lasting water based lubricant or a silicone lubricant (which is not compatible with silicone toys). Check out our guide to lubes for more.
  • Use condoms or glovesEven if you are in a monogamous relationship, condoms can protect against STIs and bacteria. Latex gloves (or similar) will protect the sensitive anal canal from sharp nails–ouch! Condoms and gloves can almost make post-play clean up easier. Condoms are highly recommended for any toys that may be shared between partners.
  • Keep anal and vaginal play separate. Meaning that once you’ve used a toy, finger, penis, etc for anal play, do not place it in the vagina. There’s a huge risk of infection if you go from anal to vaginal (but not the other way around). If you want to go back, use a barrier such as a condom or glove and then change to a fresh one.
  • Never ever use anal desensitizers. NEVER. There’s plenty of anal numbing or desensitizing creams on the market that is supposed to make penetration less painful. Pain is your body’s way of saying STOP. If you remove that option, you risk tearing or hurting yourself.
  • Relax and breathe deeply. When you’re nervous or scared about anal play, it makes those muscles tighten. Which makes it harder to insert a finger or toy–the opposite of what you want. If you’re really nervous, try stimulating your clitoris at the same time to help you relax.
  • Start small. Don’t laugh. While our sphincters can stretch, you need to work up to it. Start with fingers or a small toy. Once your body is used to the size you can insert another finger or swap a slightly larger toy.
  • Always use toys with a flared base. You’ve heard those horror stories of people “losing” toys in their anal cavity. It’s because they didn’t use a toy with a flared base. Trust me on this one.

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Anal play is supposed to be fun. I hope I haven’t scared off because anal pleasure can be profoundly intense, especially when paired with clitoral or vaginal stimulation.

Backdoor toys for beginners

Now that I’ve convinced you to give anal play a try (or scared you), here’s some toys that are good for beginners. And yes, those are the actual product names. Make sure you add lube to your shopping cart!


Fifty Shades of Grey Carnal Bliss Silicone Anal Beads
. Insert as many beads as you’re comfortable with and continue on your sex play. Tug on the loop during play and just as you’re about to orgasm to intensify the pleasure.


Fun Factory B Ball Silicone Beginner’s Butt Plug with Jiggle Ball
.  Every movement will rock the inner ball, causing the plug to vibrate. Try one of these for your next spanking or just walk around with it inserted.


Lovehoney Butt Tingler 5 Function Vibrating Butt Plug Medium
. Ready for more sensation? This plug will happy buzz away. You just have to decide which of the 5 vibrating settings you like most.

Have any other questions about anal play? Leave a comment below.

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